Teaching What Works
Since learning, practicing, and implementing Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), I’ve believed that almost everyone can benefit from its skillset. And the older I get – the more people I meet and the more complex the situations I encounter – the more convinced I am that this is true.
I’m not suggesting that everyone needs full-model DBT treatment. Rather, most people can benefit from the specific skills DBT teaches.
Even as a DBT-certified psychologist myself, I become more effective every year I practice what I preach. I credit much of my emotion regulation, perspective taking, and interpersonal effectiveness to the fact that I actively use DBT in my own life. It’s hard to feel passionate about your work when you’re not doing what you teach – that level of cognitive dissonance would be intolerable (at least for me).
Almost anyone who’s talked to me for more than five minutes knows my love for DBT. DBT is genuinely my special interest (be careful if you ask for evidence – I will often over-explain to the point of activating a shame response in my friends).
I want the world to know DBT, love DBT, practice DBT, and live a DBT-informed life.
What I realized is that talking about DBT in formal, psychobabble terms isn’t very appealing, or digestible, for most people. Even my closest friends, who hear me talk about DBT far too often, probably couldn’t tell you what DBT actually stands for, let alone name its core components. The acronyms and therapy-speak likely make it sound like I’m speaking a different language. Most of them are likely nodding along to my psychology monologues rather than actually following.
For me, the acronyms and buzzwords make DBT fun. That’s where I need to take my own advice: acknowledge the dialectic, recognize that not everyone shares my definition of “fun,” and work toward a more accessible middle path.
I saw this dialectic clearly while reading The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey (yes, “effective” is my favorite word). I kept laughing at how familiar it all was. The principles mirrored DBT skills – just in a different language. A language that doesn’t require a psychology degree. One that is more appealing to the general public.
I couldn’t put the book down (or stop talking about it, much to my girlfriend’s dismay). What struck me is that people already know the principles behind DBT. They know what it takes to be an effective person, an effective leader. The principles are documented in both clinical science and organizational leadership.
So why aren’t there more effective leaders?
That led me to the gap between knowing and doing. The gap between understanding effective actions and actually executing them. This intention-behavior gap is widely documented. If we know it exists, why haven’t we figured out how to close it? Why do we keep focusing on educating people more, instead of asking how to ensure what’s learned actually gets executed – consistently, in the hardest conditions?